How To...handle Criticism
Sun Herald
Sunday November 30, 2008
Hearing that your attitude or aptitude doesn't measure up stings, no matter how buoyant your self-esteem. Melbourne psychologist Michael Burge says, "If you suspect this person is saying things simply to make you feel bad and offering you no way to remedy the situation, it probably has more to do with their agenda than your faults."
According to Burge, it's only natural to view these statements as an attack, but this can be diluted by focusing on the details of the complaint. "Look at the task or attitude you are being chided for," he says. "Remind yourself it is just one thing, and no one thing makes you a bad person or a failure." If, on the other hand, it's a blanket attack, "there is nothing to be gained," says Burge. "Calmly tell the person they're entitled to their opinion, but you don't agree." Burge advocates "going beyond the moment" with techniques such as counting to 10 before commenting, and paraphrasing what the person has just said, as in: "So, you feel I could have been more attentive when it comes to X or Y." He adds, "This does not mean you are acquiescing. Rather, it provides you with time to take the heat out of the situation and respond appropriately."
© 2008 Sun Herald